Introduction: A Training That Feels Like Coming Home

I just finished six days of intensive IFS training here in the Netherlands, with about 300 hours still ahead of me. Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy is a form of therapy that treats the human psyche as a system of sub-personalities, or parts, that take over the system depending on what the context requires. As a Social Psychologist, seeing humans as changing and shifting processes that move with their (social) environment, this really is what was missing in conventional forms of therapy, and if you are interested, I will take my time telling you why.

The training I am fortunate enough to receive (IFS Nederland), is the kind of deep, rigorous training that asks you to look not only at theory, but at yourself, your internal world, your patterns of protection: the parts of you that show up when life gets complicated. In training, we constantly practice on each other.

Amongst other things, I recently processed being fired from a yoga studio for speaking up about unethical leadership, and the sadness and anger that came with that. Parts that came up for me where: The perfectionist that went over and over into all the interactions trying to find out where I could have done better to avoid being fired. A deeply sad and lonely part that felt misunderstood, judged, and shamed. A profoundly angry part that felt injustice and wanted to stand up for me and defend my integrity fiercely, and then there was a part that wanted to take me away from the whole mess, dance away the feelings, empower myself through movement and connection, and shamelessly flirt my confidence back into existence.

And even though I’m exhausted from my own processing during my training, I feel incredibly alive inside this work and I have rarely been this excited to share something with others.

Over the past twenty years in the field of psychology, I’ve been a client, a researcher, a lecturer, a yoga and meditation teacher, and coach / therapist. I’ve tried psychoanalysis, cognitive behavioural therapy, schema therapy, mindfulness, trauma-informed yoga, breathwork, all of them meaningful in their own ways.

But IFS is the first approach where everything I know about psychology, meditation, embodiment, trauma, stress, compassion, identity, and the nervous system, finally sits together in one framework.

IFS feels like home inside myself, in a similar way that I have felt that when I truly immersed myself in yoga 10 years ago. For me, it was the missing psychological piece of the puzzle that brings yoga, buddhism, and more cognitive and western forms of therapy together.

It is the first framework I’ve worked with that treats the human psyche as it actually behaves: in multiple voices, in shifting identities, and in layers of protection that come online when we feel overwhelmed or unsafe.

And maybe most importantly, it is the first therapeutic model I’ve experienced where inner work becomes a lived, embodied practice, not just a cognitive exercise.

What IFS Is: A Systems View of the Human Mind

IFS (Internal Family Systems) was developed in the 1980s by Dr. Richard Schwartz, a family therapist who began noticing something unusual during his sessions. His clients, many of whom were struggling with eating disorders, started describing emotions and impulses as if they were inner people.

One part wanted to binge, another part wanted to restrict the binging, another part felt ashamed, another part didn’t care. They spoke of these parts as if they were separate entities.

At first, Schwartz resisted this idea. But started listening more, he recognised that the inner world behaved like a family: parts protecting, parts reacting, parts exiling vulnerability to keep the system functioning. This made him think:

What if the human mind is a community of different parts, a system of inner roles, rather than a single unified self?

This insight changed everything. IFS is built on one simple but radical premise:

Over the years of developing theory and practice, these parts were categorized into three categories:

• Managers — socially acceptable parts that are proactive in trying to keep the system safe. These parts plan, structure, make us behave ‘good’, do socially acceptable things that make others like us, but are, in extremer forms, controlling, critical, and perfectionistic in trying to keep life predictable and safe.
• Firefighters — often react to managers, and although they have the same aim (keeping us safe), their strategy is entirely different: they want to take us away from the pain not by working harder, but by avoiding the pain and relaxing us through distraction. These parts do the socially less acceptable thing, like laying on the couch, not answering our texts, or streaming netflix, or scroll our phones, but also the more impulsive things like binge eating, gambling, lying, drug abuse, or cheating. Their goal is to take us away from the pain when they feel nothing else works.
• Exiles — both Managers and Firefighters aim to protect our most vulnerable parts. These are younger, wounded, overwhelmed parts carrying fear, shame, sadness, or unmet needs. The idea of IFS is that these Exiles got stuck in overwhelming experiences in the past because they experienced deeply overwhelming feelings alone, without proper guidance, and without emotion regulation skills. Therefore, they carry deep overwhelming emotions that, if felt, might over-run the system. IFS posits that Managers and Firefighters are sub-personalities or roles that developed in response to the overwhelm. And these parts are comprised by a set of thoughts, emotions, sensations, and behaviors, that are all aimed to make sure that the feelings of the exiles are never experienced again.

And then there is Self — the calm, compassionate, curious awareness that can lead the internal system when the parts trust it enough.

If you practice meditation or yoga, you may recognise Self. It mirrors the qualities described in Buddhism, yoga philosophy, and contemplative traditions that are experienced when you spent enough time in meditation, and you realize there is this inner source of spaciousness, calm, and compassion where you actually do not have any agenda, but feel connected to everyone and everything else. Buddhism actually calls this ‘no-self’: because in this space, you lose a sense of separateness between you and the outside world, which, paradoxically, feels like a huge relief. In individualistic societies, we spend an enormous amount of effort showing how different and unique we are from everyone else, so it may feel weird to entertain the idea that actually paying attention to how the same you are to everyone else, may bring you much joy.

The idea is, that through introducing all the parts to Self, and developing an inner compassionate dialogue between your parts and your Self, your parts can relax, stop overcompensating, and most of their destructive and extreme behaviors will no longer be necessary, soften, and transform into more productive behaviors and thoughts. Much like yoga and buddhism would state that through becoming aware of compassionate awareness, the need to grasp for success or run from pain no longer has such a hold over us.

By the way, IFS did not borrow from these traditions intentionally — but human experience is human experience, and truth tends to rhyme across systems. Does that mean I think, as a scientist and researcher, that accepting the IFS framework as a useful modality to treat people, means that the internal family systems is THE TRUTH of how the mind is organized? Not necessarily, I think such a conclusion requires much, much more research. But do I think it is a very useful therapy tool because it mirrors human experience? Yes. Do I think it has scientific merit? Yes. Let me tell you why.

IFS: Powerful, Promising ... and Not Without Problems

Worldwide, but also specifically in the Netherlands, there is quite some backlash from the scientific, clinical, and science journalism community with regards to IFS. And these are things that are important to mention and take seriously.

First, while IFS is increasingly popular and shows promise, the empirical research base remains limited. A 2025 review in the Clinical Psychologist found that existing evidence is “promising” but emphasises that IFS lacks large‐scale randomized controlled trials for psychiatric disorders. Taylor & Francis Online+1. We need more research, for sure.

Second, there are concerns that IFS may be inappropriately applied in contexts of complex neuro-psychiatric presentations (e.g., psychosis, severe dissociation, schizophrenia, complex trauma), where parts-work might lead to fragmentation rather than integration. societyforpsychotherapy.org+1

Third, therapists and reviewers raise the risk of false or distorted memories when inner‐parts work encourages recovery of repressed trauma without sufficient corroboration or reality‐testing The Cut+1 . Decades of memory research (e.g., Loftus, 2005) show that memory is reconstructive rather than photographic, which basically means that our memories don’t play back like a video; they’re recreated each time, shaped by how we felt, what we feared, and what others suggested. Memories thus can feel true, without being historically accurate.

Fourth, training, supervision, and professional standards are inconsistent. Some critiques note IFS is being used by practitioners with variable trauma-informed training, raising risk of harm in high-complexity cases. societyforpsychotherapy.org

I recognize and share these concerns, and I think they should be openly discussed within and outside the IFS community, the clinical context, and clinical research. That being said, I do not think these concerns are a reason to write off IFS as some hippie whoo whoo healing thing that lacks evidence, is generally harmful, or that Richard Schwarz (like Bessel van der Kolk), is a dangerous charlatan any rational person should steer clear of.

I think these concerns are a valuable and necessary part of the discussion that hopefully will bring an integrated, well informed, and careful IFS protocol into the mental healthcare system. For a detailed protocol of how I handle these concerns: go to protocol.

With that said, let's get into what I think is a missing link between psychological research and IFS practice, that should be highlighted and discussed (hopefully also in the IFS research to come).

The Science Behind IFS: A Missing Academic Link

One of the things that immediately struck me in my training, and that I rarely see mentioned in IFS literature, is how deeply IFS aligns with Social Identity Theory, one of the major theoretical frameworks in social psychology. Most people think of themselves as one person. But Social Identity Theory proposes the opposite:

“We are not one identity. We are many.”

Each identity comes online based on context, relationship, threat level, and past experience.

In social psychology, these identities shift depending on:

• The group we’re with
• The role we’re playing
• The pressure we’re under
• Our sense of belonging or exclusion
• The emotional environment around us

These identities can cooperate, conflict, suppress one another, or fight for dominance, just like parts in IFS. When I learned IFS, it immediately made sense to view our inner life through this lens:

• Stress and threat activate certain identities.
• Early experiences create identity positions we return to under pressure.
• Identities can carry shame, fear, or unmet needs.
• Identities can polarize internally, exactly like groups do externally.

IFS describes these identities as “parts.” Social psychology describes them as “social identities.”

Different language. Same phenomenon.

This is one of the reasons IFS resonates so deeply with me as a researcher: it explains human complexity in a way psychology has known for decades, but then applies it internally, compassionately, and practically.

Why IFS Feels Different: The Three Missing Ingredients

In my experience, both as a practitioner and someone who has tried many forms of therapy myself, there are three things that IFS brings that most therapies miss.

1. Embodiment

IFS does not treat emotions as thoughts to be reframed. Nor as insights to be discovered. It treats emotions as

felt, living experiences in the body. During an IFS session, you actively learn to locate a part in the body, sense its emotional texture, notice how it protects you, feel the sensations it carries, and stay present with it rather than bypassing it. All of this is about feeling the physical and emotional markers of experience, which, especially if you want to teach people to learn how to listen to their bodies, is of huge importance. Particularly in treating burnout and chronic stress, it is very important not to override the physical and emotional responses we feel, but instead learn to listen to them, and then, mindfully decide what to do with them. Instead of just staying in running and doing mode. Most people who burn out have something in common: they have learned to override their bodily signals in order to stay productive. This embodied part of IFS for me, is the missing key.

2. Compassionate Inner (and outer) Dialogue

IFS moves in the opposite direction of “getting rid of” unwanted parts. In IFS, every part has a positive intention. Instead of treating binge eating or lying or a porn addiction as an evil behavior we need to get rid of, we listen to what this part is trying to do for us. We take it (and therefore ourselves) out of the shame loop, which only creates more avoidance and more of the same behavior. Every part deserves a voice. Every part has good intentions, even the parts of us that make us do things we don’t want to do.

IFS asks: What is this part trying to protect? And what does it need from Self? What does it need us to know and be aware of in order no longer feel the need to rescue us? Often, our firefighters that make us do things we feel shame about, are there to counter our parts that make us overwork, that criticise us, that make us feel inadequate. This realization transforms shame into relationship. Fear into connection. Protection into collaboration. And it invites Radical Honesty with yourself, and therefore radical honesty and true vulnerability with others, which then creates true connection. True connection: letting yourself be seen by others like you truly are, is the biggest stress protector of all. I can tell from personal experience it feels like a HUGE relief to be truly honest. And true honesty requires full acceptance and compassion for all parts of you, not just the socially acceptable ones.

And if we are talking research: a large meta-analysis (Flückiger et al., 2018) shows that one of the strongest predictors of therapy effectiveness is the relationship with the therapist — the bond, collaboration, and sense of being truly seen. Not the specific method; not the protocol. Being understood by another human being is profoundly regulating. And that, at its core, is what IFS is built on.

3. Implementation and Real-Life Practice

Perhaps my favourite aspect of IFS: The goal is not long-term dependence on a therapist.

The goal is internal leadership. And this is why it is so empowering. You learn: how to unblend from a part (meaning it doesn’t take over without your awareness, and you can use it appropriately and wisely when needed. You learn how to speak to it internally, how to witness emotion without becoming overwhelmed, how to create internal safety even in stressful events, and how to apply this in daily triggers, conflicts, and stress. In my personal experience, IFS is the first and only form of therapy that has successfully helped me manage full blown anxiety attacks, by being able to access a compassionate gentle voice (Self) that holds me in my hopelessness, and guides me out of my loop of fear. IFS is not just a therapy: it becomes an inner meditation practice in which you are not (solely) reliant on other people to feel compassionate connection.

As someone who teaches yoga and meditation, this feels incredibly natural. And yet, deeply transformative. Because now there is a scripted practice that I can follow, instead of just ‘sitting with my thoughts and feelings’. There is an actual intervention when shit hits the fan. Because trust me, when you are in a severely emotional situation, just doing movement of breathing, or sitting with your thoughts is not going to help. Breathwork and movement can help physically process stress and let the body feel safe, but we need emotional and cognitive work to understand what is going on and to help your mind feel safe, because otherwise the mind will just pull the body back into stress mode.

Last, but not least: What IFS Still Doesn’t Include (and Why This Is My Next Mission)

Even though I love IFS, I also see what it doesn’t do. IFS works deeply with:

Emotions, Identity, Compassion, Inner dialogue, and Embodiment through sensation.

But it does not systematically work with: Breath, Movement, Somatic discharge, The physiological stress cycle, and Bottom-up nervous system regulation, and co-regulation. IFS is deeply internal, but stress recovery is interpersonal. I deeply believe in the healing power of groups.

This is where group coaching, yoga, breathwork, and somatic movement become essential: especially for chronic stress, burnout, and trauma.

When parts are overwhelmed, the body often carries: tension, activation, contraction, incomplete stress responses, and dysregulated breathing patterns

Talking to a part or feeling a part doesn’t always release what the body still holds. This is why my next step — and the work I’m building — is an integrated, holistic framework that brings together IFS with movement, breathwork, and yoga-based stress physiology.

A method that can work with:

the emotional layer

• the cognitive layer
• the identity layer
• the physiological layer
• A method that acknowledges we are not just minds with emotions — we are bodies with stories, and these stories are written in how we move, breathe, see, and hear. It is my aim in the following year, to set up group coaching and retreats where IFS meets yoga, breathwork, and habit formation, and where people learn how to effectively treat their own stress in a supportive community, and with an integrated, whole-body recovery plan.

Conclusion: A New Kind of Inner Work

IFS is the first therapeutic model I’ve encountered that truly honours and accepts all of who we are, relieve ourselves of shame, and create a life of mindful intention. IFS bridges what psychology has known for decades with what contemplative traditions have taught for centuries.

It offers a way to relate to ourselves that is not about fixing, correcting, or overpowering parts of the psyche, but about learning to listen, to understand, and to lead from a deeper kind of presence.

And when you combine this with the intelligence of the body, through breath, movement, and nervous system regulation, healing becomes whole-body.

This is the direction my work is moving in. This is the future of therapy I believe in (but I promise to always also be a healthy critic of).

And this training is only the beginning. Let me know if you want to know more about IFS or my future IFS & Yoga Group Coaching programs.

With love,

Inge